Think of all the triumphs of the human race — going to space, curing polio, establishing democracy, things like that. Now allow me to introduce the arbiter of the newest achievement — the man who farted out five candles in a row.

Although human beings are estimated to have tamed fire about 1.7 million years ago, we didn’t fully realize our mastery of the element until a man named Gerard Jessie blew out five candles with his butt. Credit should also be given to Gerard’s buddy, who valiantly held the candles despite having to deal with multiple farts flying near his face.

No one is sure what Gerard Jessie ate that made him so boldly flatulent that day, but he is clearly the master of air bending. He should be named the new Avatar.

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